Green Monster...Take 2

Am I really ready for the Green Monster again?!

Tomorrow morning is the Gate River Run! I worked a half day today, then picked up my moms best friend (my second mom) from the airport. We headed straight to the Runners Expo. We got our shirts, race bibs and timers, and walked around for some free stuff. On our way there I got a glimpse of the Hart Bridge, aka Green Monster. All I can think of is last year getting to the foot of that bridge and being completely exhausted. I had the hardest time getting up there and had to even walk some along the way. I really want this year to be different. I want to be faster, stronger, and walk away feeling like overall I improved from last year. The Green Monster is the only thing that worries me. Well, that and my overall lack of running recently. Oh well, the GRR is tomorrow, no time to doubt myself. Just have to get it done!

Woohoo, here goes nothing, GRR 2011!

Running Block

So lately running has been hard. I'm talking I cant catch my breath and my legs feel heavy and arent moving like they should. I am struggling. With all that has gone on these last few weeks, running has been on the back burner. I guess I thought I didnt need to train on the weekdays in running and if I could do it on the weekends I'd be ready for the GRR this weekend. Yah...I'm beginnning to think that wasnt so smart. Last week was tough! A 4 mile run kicked my butt. Then my long run on Sunday was hot and exhausting. I couldnt even run the whole thing. I dont know if its mental and alot is on my mind, or if I really do need to keep pushing my self and sticking to my training. Ready or not the GRR is on Saturday and I really had big goals this year. I almost dont want to put them out there for fear I wont achieve them. I guess since I started running about a year and a half ago, I just picked it up and got better and better. It was something that through all the sadness and craziness in life, I had control over. Now I dont feel like I do. I need to try and get it back because I miss it. Running used to free my mind and give me so many emotions. Now I fight and struggle for every step. I need to pull it together, and quick. I am running the race Saturday and I dont want to feel let down. Hoping to find myself this week!

From Numb to Pain...I'm Over It

Well I lied. I said sore gums or not, I'd be at the gym. That did not happen.

This morning, my mouth didnt look right. To spare you the gory details, I'll just say there was blood and my gums were still very swollen. I ended up rushing back to the dentist, only to find out that during the cleaning yesterday they cut my gums and there is some tissue damage. They are still swollen and very sore. After all the emotion of seeing my gums like this and feeling the pain, I just decided to rest and stay home. My mouth looked different, and more than anything I felt very self conscious.

By 5 this afternoon, I was sick of laying on the couch. Since my friend Ashleys bday celebration is Saturday, the girls all decided to wear dresses. I thought I'd go out and look, and maybe spluge on a new one. I ended up finding a dress and falling in loved with it. I was torn between the size that fits perfectly, and a size bigger, which is where I'm most comfortable. But then boyfriend conveniently pointed out that I wanted more than one wear out of the dress, and I needed to get the one that fit me. Between my rollercoaster from the morning and then that small victory with the dress, I feel motivated again. I missed the gym the past two days, and I've felt bad about my mouth and the pain, and how it looks. Now its time to stop feeling bad for myself and get back to it.

Numb

Literally....for 4 1/2 hours today my mouth was numb!

Today was part 2 of my deep cleaning, which apparently involves 8 shots to my gums. The cleaning itself was short, but the after effects were miserable. The right side of my face was literally drooping and swollen. If I talked, only one side of my mouth moved. I couldnt feel anything for most of the day. Once the numbness wore off, the pain set in. My gums are still swollen and throbbing, but I'm happy that the worst is over and hopefully I wont have to do this again.

This did not start my week off very well. I didnt get to work out today, so I feel bloated and gross after laying around all day. Tomorrow, sore gums or not I'm going to the trainer! Hopefully, the week gets better from here!

Long Time....

It has been awhile...I'm a slacker.
I think so much has gone on recently I havent even thought about blogging. I really have nothing important to talk about, no new accomplishments or anything, but I want to get back int the habit of doing this, so here goes the last few weeks:
Shortly after our Orlando trip, my papa (grandpa) got sick and passed suddenly. Dealing with that and the family and funeral was stressul and sad. He was 90 and had alzheimers for awhile and had only been getting worse. He lived a great life and I have piece in the relationship I had with him growing up, heck I practically lived at his and Manny's house when I was younger. The sadness has passed, now that I see my Manny will be ok. In order to get my mind off things, I headed to Charleston that weekend after the funeral.

I went to visit an amazing friend, and being with her is always the pick me up I need. I really had a blast and worried about nothing the entire weekend. When I was driving home I just felt better, like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I really must have needed the time away, with good friends and fun!

During that trip, another one of my best friends got engaged! I got the call and I couldnt be more excited. Ash and Brian are a great couple and I'm genuinely happy for whats ahead for them!

That brings me to now. My main focus is training for the GRR and working to be debt free (no easy task for anyone that knows my credit cards). I've been focused on work and training. I really wish I was more exciting, but this is just my attempt to get back into writing. Hope everyone has a great week!

Vacation Shame Spiral

Just as quickly as you accomplish something, you can lose it just as quick.

This past Thursday I went on a mini vacation with the boyfriend, my sissy, and her boyfriend to Orlando. We bought the boys tickets to the Orlando Magic vs. Miami Heat basketball game since they love the Magic. Needless to say, we made a few days of it and had an amazing time! I had not cheated in 5 plus weeks, without soda, alcohol, or delish cheat food. I took full advantage of this trip and did not think about calories or workouts and anything. I ate, drank, and was merry! I enjoyed myself so much that when I got home on Saturday and Sunday I continued to eat and drink how I wanted. I call it my 'shame spiral'. Its a loving term I use to refer to times when I just let my hard work go and eat and let it get away from me. I definitely did that this weekend.

I made the mistake of weighing this morning, which I knew would disappoint me. I had to know where I was at though. What I saw I didnt like. I knew a day or so of enjoying myself was fine, but 4 days was excessive. I know I have no one to blame but myself. But instead of being down on myself, I just use it as a learning opportunity. A friend told me today "remember when you cheating was a way of life? You've come so far and changed your life, just get back on it" That really resonated with me. The sluggish, sick feeling I had this weekend used to be my daily life. I used to eat crap and drink weekly and feel the need to nap every single day. Now, I feel like this shame spiral will jump start my metabolism again. Today felt like the detox day, and it felt so good to eat healthy. By today my body was almost craving it! So I gained 3 pounds this week, but I'm going to use my 'shame spiral' as motivation! Bring on a new week!

Mid Week Pep Talk

So my job is stressful. Let's face it-people get in accidents all the time. Luckily, it keeps me employed. But, the amount of accidents makes my job something that is never-ending. Just when I clear claims, there are 5 more in my task bank to look at. It's almost like a cycle where it feels like you cant keep your head above water.

Lately I decided that I wasnt going to stress so much. There are days that are so overwhelming I go home thinking that I really got nothing accomplished and feel like maybe a 12 hour work day would be better. Then there are days like today, where I catch a break and get most of my day to catch up and get a ton done! It's made me realize that my job can relate to a weight loss journey. Some days are so overwhelming that all you want to do is give up and eat that chocolate bar or drink that soda. But then there are days when you feel so on track and so motivated that nothing can stop you. Today was that day for me. I caught up on work, and that made me feel like its cyclical. Some days are worse than others and I shouldnt stress because the day will come when I get to catch my breath and get re-organized. Just with weight loss I have my frustrated days and days where I'm unstoppable.

I thinks its important to realize that its ok to have the down days, but not to dwell on them and let them overwhelm you. As quick as it comes, a better day is on the other side. Its just important to keep in my mind the "why" or motivation.

Not sure why this was on my mind, I think I might have needed a pep talk!